In my last emotion regulation therapy session, I am tasked to list my feelings with precision, naming them as they bloom within me. But in the case of us, my emotions elude such neat definitions. When others inquire about this, I struggle to paint this well and so I find no other way than penning them down, attempting to capture their ethereal essence.

I would say we traversed rather unusual path, forgoing grief, and strangely never attempted to bridge the gap between us. Why, I wonder, were you so certain that neither timing nor circumstances were conducive to being committed. Strangely enough, amidst it all, I remain the one closest to your desire, possibly the most profound connection you ever yearned for. How intriguing it is, the interplay of logic and emotion shaping our very beings. Were you really a simpler man, untouched by the experiences that have shaped the intricate tapestry of your identity?

We were not perfect, nor were we brokenly flawed, just us—two souls entwined in enigmatic harmony. The truth is, I sought refuge here, hoping to find a reason compelling enough to remain. The truth is, I maybe searched for the puzzle piece; the one that might have been lost or never existed from the start. Your whispered words often hinted, "Not now, but not never,” and I'm left grappling with the emotions that revelation stirs within me.

I would like to think we danced a dance of intricacy and simpleness; where grief's heavy burden was curiously absent, and confusion seemed to find no foothold. In grade 10, I learned asymptote concept in math and now I see the resemblance in many relationships— ours maybe. Perhaps we were destined to come enchantingly close without ever meeting at the point of perfect convergence. Like two celestial bodies in orbit, we moved in a cosmic dance, bound by the laws of attraction, but never quite touching. Yet, despite the apparent distance, there was a pull, a force that kept us in proximity—a force I desperately struggle to fully grasp. Maybe that's just our kind of equilibrium; a delicate balance between desire and restraint, akin to a finely tuned symphony that perpetually hovered on the verge of a crescendo, connected by a shared longing.

Until that elusive "when" or “why” arrives, I shall cherish the memories we wove together—the widening of your eyes, the resonance of your laughter, the tender snuggles and unexpected kisses, how you like your coffee done, and the fleeting moments stolen for an exact six-minute nap between your relentless calls. When they asked, and I found no conventional definition could explain the bond, I will fondly recall how we playfully began our days and how the nights slipped away like grains of sand, so swift when we were intertwined.

I shall remember the gentle strokes through your hair and the comforting embrace I offered you on those restless nights. I hold dear to our mundane routine, where the silence spoke volumes and every word carried an unspoken weigh. As time unfurls its relentless course, I wonder if you too, during your leisurely strolls near the river under the moonlit sky or in the quiet sanctuary of your bed after weary days, will drift back into those as much as I do.