I thought I knew it when it felt effortless for us to coexist, when our daily rhythms synchronized. But then, I began to question when he texted "I don't think I ever mind anything” and what he might perceived as ‘simple man’ painted a more complex picture, I’ve always knew but it just come to me that our priorities really seemed to diverge.

I thought I knew it when I could pour my thoughts forth and he would listen with unwavering attentiveness. Yet, doubt crept in when he whispered, “It causes you so much trouble and thinking” His words were a breeze that rustled the leaves of my thoughts, unsettling the calm and safe feeling I thought I had found in us.

I thought I knew it when my imagination ran, was all inspired to go painting vivid pictures of conversations charged with electric energy each time we spoke, for your birthday. But then my confidence wavered when he chuckled, “Dont think I have room to put a painting”

I thought I knew it when I meticulously cataloged checklists, distinguishing between what I believed would serve me and what I thought would not. Doubt crept in as those with potential appeared reluctant to embrace the grittier aspects of the journey, favoring only half true part of me.

Then out of nowhere, our eyes locked in a moment that felt like the beginning of something, and I realized that I no longer knew what I thought I knew.

I thought I knew it when it felt effortless for us to coexist, when our daily rhythms synchronized. But then, what I failed to grasp was that ease was not merely measured in laughter and lengthy conversations. It was also about how you make it easy for me to shed tears, to let down the fortress of masculine part in me without self-consciousness, and to embrace vulnerability in its entirety.

I thought I knew it when I could pour my thoughts forth and they would listen with unwavering attentiveness. But then, what I failed to grasp was the language of unspoken glances, the eloquence of a heart pulsating with empathy. "Were your eyes this shade of dark brown?" or "I'm thrilled about your team’s victory, but how does your heart feel about not going to represent?" or the unasked hug after I had important meeting because although I sounded firm he knew it was not came natural to me or the other uninvited long hug after he read a post about my dad, because although he sensed the beauty in it, he also felt how I longed for a lot more out of it.

What he saw through my facade and my first layer, what he cared beyond my literal story— how did he do that?

What maybe I just know now, that..

With him, my heart kindled, in it’s somewhat unfamiliar but comforting form.

With him, I gladly welcomed the prospect of being proven wrong, for in that vulnerability, I found a rest that nestled within my mind and body.

With him, my being take things easy and even when it is not, there was no guilt for too much thinking.

With him, intimacy means unveiling the whole truth and my whole self; without reservations or tiptoeing around, without the what ifs or cracking games, without the fear of disappointing each other’ expectation, and then hearing the reassuring words, "I am here” “We can talk about it.”